Filed under: Seriatum | Tags: Anorexia, Ate, Body, Calories, Food, Thin, Thoughts, Work
I just went ahead and planned my food out for the day. No need in worrying about it. So far I’ve had:
Bowl of organic oatmeal- 150 calories.
Egg sandwich:(x 2 for Lunch and Dinner)
Whole grain white bread- 150 calories.
Sunny side up egg- 80 calories.
Tomato and Lettuce- 20 calories.
TOTAL I have/will consume: 650 calories.
I’ll probably update more laterz.
Filed under: Seriatum | Tags: Anorexia, Ate, Body, Long Hair, Thin, Thoughts, Work
While I was at work tonight I decided to make this. I was bored… Anyway, it’s steps I need to take to get to where I want to be (physically), but it will get me where I want to be. I want to be beautiful, desired. I want guys to see me and want me. I want to look amazing in everything I wear. I want to be fucking happy.
I ate:
Bowl of cereal- 300 calories.
5 French Fries- (I know) 53 calories (looked it up).
Tomatos- 20 calories.
Tuna wrapped in lettuce- 180 calories.
TOTAL- 553
Filed under: Seriatum | Tags: Anorexia, Ate, Body, Calories, Food, Not Eating, Thin, Thoughts, Work
Let’s recap today, shall we. Started off good, mid-day I had a bowl of oatmeal. Then I went to work. Then got off work early and came home and ate…
Oatmeal- 130 calories.
Skim Milk- 90 calories.
Soup- 80 calories.
Sandwich- 200 calories.
Instant No Sugar Chocolate Pudding (this really is good, low in calories)- 80 calories.
Wrap- 150 calories.
TOTAL- 730 calories. 
I’m feeling a bit personal tonight, so here that comes. There’s this guy, and in a long line of guys he’s let me down. We started hanging out and eventually slept together, then after that hung out more, I even stayed the next night and we didn’t sleep together. Now we’re distant. He has been working a lot, me too, but I swear it never works out for me and I think it’s partly b/c I’m fat. No guy wants these thighs or these giggly arms. No guy I want at least. I really need to stay focused on that fact. I need to be 120 lbs to be happy. This is true. It’s not impossible, but it’s not easy. Push on I must so that perhaps someone might value me more then just for sex.
Good night all. May tomorrow be calorie free.
Filed under: Seriatum | Tags: Anorexia, Ate, Body, Calories, Food, Night, Not Eating, Thin, Thoughts, Work
The past few days haven’t been so good. I’ve stayed at about 1000 calories, and it was all good food, lettuce, beans, salsa, cereal, lean turkey breast, etc, but I ate too much of it all!!!
I’m getting back on track today, for reals! Eye on the prize dammit. I have to do this, I have to be thin. If I’m thin then everything will be better, I’ll feel prettier, guys will like me more, I will feel sexy enough to get what I want, to flirt and be the girl I’m supposed to be. I have goals and they can’t be achieved looking like this, no no. No one likes the “healthy” looking girl, I’m too fat!!!
So far:
Bowl of oatmeal- 130 calories.
Glass of skim milk- 90 calories.
Must make this a good day!
Filed under: Seriatum | Tags: Anorexia, Ate, Body, Calories, Not Eating, Thin, Thoughts, Work
So yesterday I kind of messed up. It wasn’t horrible, but it wasn’t good.
I went to see my mom, and well we went to lunch. I had a salad that was about 400 calories, then I ate a piece of cheesecake (500 freakin’ calories, I almost died), then when I got home I had to clean the wreck of a house that my roommate left when she moved out (bitch) and I probably burned off a good few hundred calories, I was sweating my ass off (wish!!). Then later that night I ate a bowl of steamed broccoli with cheese, 135. BAD DAY! I’d guess it was 1000 calories (I’ve been really good about staying between 300-600) and I burned maybe 300-400…maybe…wishful thinking?
Today has been better though, I ate:
Bowl of cereal with skim milk- 300 calories.
Salsa and lettuce- 100 calories.
Peach- 35 calories.
Still on track, and my roommate said I looked thin yesterday. I don’t know about that, but I look thinner. Still probably about 145 lbs or so. But I’m proud, I’m well on my way!! 
Hello.
So far today I’ve consumed:
Oatmeal- About 5 spoons full, so a whole bowl is 150 and I had let’s say 50 calories.
Sandwich:
Turkey- 50 calories.
Bread- 150 calories.
Cheese- 160 calories. Needed the calcium.
Pickles- 0 calories.
I am not going to eat dinner. I’ve already had to work at my one job and I burned more then I consumed this morning. I’ll burn off what I’ve consumed for lunch tonight, too.
Going to see my mom tomorrow. She said something about 7-layer dip. She knows I’m trying to lose weight…but I guess I could have a little, just won’t eat when I get home.
Peace.
**Update**
When I got home I had:
Jolly Green Giant Steamed Veggies minus the carrots b/c I hate cooked carrots- 110 calories.
Salsa with Roman lettuce leaves (my new favorite thing!)- About 40 calories.
Diet 7up- 0 calories.
I had a butt-kicking night at work, so I don’t feel guilty about eating some veggies, even if they are 160 calories. I’m trying to keep my body pure while doing this so I won’t feel bad about good foods. Plus I don’t want to totally faint…
TOTAL- 520 calories.
Lata!
Filed under: Seriatum | Tags: Anorexia, Body, Calories, Cute, Fail, Food, Girl, Hate, Love, Poison, Succeed, Thin
I believe that you accept and you accept, you fail and you fail, until one day you make the decision to succeed. I have desperately wanted to be thin for a long time now. I didn’t have enough to push me in the past. Now I do. Now I want to be the cute, thin girl that all the boys want.
This is day three of my commitment. In the past I was bad at committing to anything, even the things I wanted most. Now I am fully committed. I have only eaten one bowl of cereal for the past three days. The second day I ate pickles and toast in addition, but burned more than the calories I consumed and then some. Today I ate one bowl of cereal. I have to eat so I can take my medicine. I eat in the middle of the day and then no more. The more I seem to do this, the less I want food.
I won’t lie, I love food. I also hate food.
It’s not that food is really my enemy, it’s fat and food contains fat. There are things I will allow myself to have, salads, veggies, tuna fish, fish in general, toast on occasion, cereal with skim milk, and other things that won’t ruin me. No more fast food. No more sweets (not that I eat a ton of sweets anyway). Nothing to poison my body.
Cereal with skim milk- 200 calories.
Filed under: Seriatum | Tags: Anorexia, Becoming, Long Hair, Patterns, Person, Tanning, Tattoos, Thin
So this life hasn’t been working out for me so far. Why is it that we insist on following the same patterns in life when we know they aren’t working for us. We don’t do this with simple tasks, so why our actual lives? Well I say no more! Here are my goals to finally become the person I know I should be.
1. Become famously thin. Now this will open many doors. I’ll be more confident, therefore, guys will like me more. This may finally result in a boyfriend.
2. Get those tattoos I want. They will look amazing and I’ve wanted them for about three years now. Well what the f**k have I been waiting for?
3. Grow my hair long. If this can’t be achieved fast enough I will just get extensions in the fall.
4. Continue tanning. I will not only look thin, but I’ll be tan and beautiful. What guy (I would want) could resist?
Filed under: Seriatum | Tags: Anorexia, Burgers, Commit, Fries, McDonald's, Muscle, Not Eating, Pretty, Soda, Sonic, Thin
From this point on I’m going to commit to being thin. I’ve gone two days without really eating and you know what, it feels damn good.
A little about me: I’m 24, 5′6”, 145 lbs. I wear it well, I have a decent body, but I do not like it. I feel like a prisoner in here. I’m not looking to be 90 lbs. or anything, but I am looking to be very thin. When I was younger I ate everything, McDonald’s, Sonic, burgers, fries, real soda, and I was thin. I was about 5′4” and 125 lbs. For me this was very thin. I’m naturally very muscular so although that may not sound super thin, it was on me. I’m naturally heavy because of the muscle and I do understand that about myself, but I want to lose weight, A LOT.
I’m pretty, but I’m not pretty enough, never am. This would make me pretty. This will open doors. This is the answer I’ve known all along, but was too stubborn to commit to. Well here I am world. I’m committing to this and I don’t care what I have to do.
Food:
About 5 bites of cereal- We’ll say 100 calories.
Toast- 150 calories.
Pickles- No calories.
TOTAL- 250 calories.
I worked my ass off at work tonight, too. I burned way more then I ate.
Stoked.
-Ryder
Filed under: Seriatum | Tags: Anorexia, Ate, Calories, Cereal, Night, Salad, Work
I ate:
A bowl of cereal- 200 calories.
A salad and piece of bread- 400 calories.
I had a tuff night at work again, so I burned a ton of calories.
TOTAL- 600 calories.
Keep going strong!!
